TIPTOE-ing THE EDGE

The month of August

2010-08-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

August is here..

What does it means?
It marks the second month of my working life
(hahaha..dua bulan pun nak kecoh)
It marks the starting of Ramadhan for this year..
It marks the Independence Day
(jadi cikgu kena patriotik okay..)
It also marks the second year of my scars
(yep, I just declared that I celebrate its birthday!)

Just to remind myself to be thankful.. that's all.
and to take better care of myself..

p/s: this week i'm obsessed with Sandra Bullock.. been watching Speed, While You Were Sleeping and Miss Congeniality back to back.. (you can do this when you are single)

This lady rocks!!

TODAY I THINK OF THIS

2010-08-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

MISERABLE is a word I can associate with myself lately..
Why?
I'm not sure. There's a lot of reasons..
But one thing for sure.

Friends,
I miss your companionship.
Miss your lending hands.
Miss your warmth compassion.
Miss your ways to cheer me up.
Miss your honest words.
Miss your worries.

Miss you guys...

Bila la kita nak jumpa lagi?...

Which One?

2010-08-02T07:13:00.000-07:00

Students: Teacher, teacher habaq teacher orang KEDAH... Betoi ka orang KEDAH ni?

Teacher: Betul la. Rumah teacher kat Kedah. Kenape tanye macam tu?

Students: Tak dak la. Awat kami dengaq teacher cakap macam orang KL?

Teacher: Eh, ye ke? Teacher tak perasan pun. Ade bunyi KL ke?

Students: La.. Sebab dengaq bunyi KL la kami tanya..... La ni habaq betoi2. Teacher ni lahir mana?

Teacher: Teacher ni lahir kat KELANTAN.

Students: Ha?? KELANTAN? toksah dok tipu la....tak dak bunyi KELANTAN pon..

Teacher: Buat ape teacher nak tipu korang? Teacher lahir di KELANTAN tapi tinggal di KEDAH.

Students: Nyanyi skit lagu negeri KEDAH mai kami nak dengaq..

Teacher: Lagu KEDAH teacher tak reti la. Lagu TERENGGANU, SELANGOR, PENANG, JOHOR teacher tau la..

Students: Aik.. Awat plak dah? Teacher ni kelentong ah.. Lagu negeri sendiri tak reti nyanyi. lagu negeri lain reti plak. Habaq la betoi2 sikit. Ingat kami ni budak kecik ka nak tipu2?

Teacher: Astaghfirullah.. Tak ade tipu langsung. Macam ni la. Korang tanya teacher orang mana kan.. Sekarang teacher orang PERLIS. kerja sini, orang sini.. Puas hati?

Teacher: Sudah.. Ini kelas English. Bukannye Geografi. Tengok, masa dah abis. Bersembang punya pasal, ape pon tak belajar.

Students: Takpa teacher.. Kami lagi suka kalau bersembang...

Teacher: Haa... Yela tu...

Where I am now...

2010-07-31T22:19:00.000-07:00

6 years had passed and I'm a student no more.. The long dreaded destination is finally here.
Like it or not, I am a teacher now. Not a trainee. Not a temp. But a full pledged working teacher.
With pay! (chuckles)
Which probably arrive months from now. So nothing to brag there..

The lucky school to have me is SMK Syed Sirajuddin or SEMSIRA in Arau, Perlis.
Yep..Perlis. Cool, eh?
What can I say. People really want me to travel all over the country. Five states in 25 years and now my life begins here in Perlis.
Excited? Yeah...
Ecstatic? Not really...

The best thing is probably I get to stay at home. With my parents. I repeat, with my parents.
Food is not a problem and the bed is heaven. What more can I ask for, right?..
Amanda has said it all for me in her post so I shall say no more.
But living at home means I have to drive 45mins x 2 everyday for work. Pretty exhausting..
Especially when you have been facing nerve-wrecking students all day. Driving home can be a tedious task.

Anyhow..
My life (and all my friends', too) has turned all the way around. And I'm embracing the changes. Pray that I will become a great teacher one day...whom shall touch the lives of many..

Finally, some really good 'B' words....

status: REBOOT

2010-07-31T11:46:00.000-07:00

After a long 1 year hiatus..
Cheers to the fact the I'm finally inspired to blog again.
God knows how long this time will last.. but armed with a steady connection and good ol camera.
All refreshed and new
I'm ready to kiss and tell again..

let's all grin and hope this girl can keep her words

Optimistic is da way to go......

2009-08-15T03:27:00.000-07:00

in times like this,
u tend 2 feel weak and emotional..
every sight is a sight of emptiness
every touch has no warmth
every sound is just another noise
inevitably, u'll blame urself over what has happened
although u have tried so hard to prevent it

but what would u do if u were left to sail alone?

people can say that this does not hurt
but its their lying pride that's talking
even u r bragging how it didn't change a thing
but behind curtains ur sorrow hits hard
n there is no 1 that knows the way
to put colours in ur eyes
for now

deep down inside
u realize 1 fact
that u'll definitely end up with a smile
though u can't tell where n when
there will b a bright light at the end of this dark tunnel
so u stride on
with all the might u have left
put on faces when u should
stamp ur feet hard - hard enough to make it matter
bcause every step now means something
not to others anymore but to urself

walk on
the journey is still long
and with the faith u hv
the world will bring u back its wonders
soon there will be wind which will guide u down the right way
u just hv to keep on going

so that is what i will do

-me-

DELIBERATION!!

2009-08-12T09:42:00.000-07:00

i once knew a man who wished that i'd settle for second
i once knew a man who pressured me for sex
i once knew a man who needed me too be thin, really thin
i once knew a man who helped me spend all my money

now i am alone at 23
(note that the word alone might be associated with other words like 'uncertain', 'bleak' and 'hazardous')

life is just beginning to get more interesting!!!!!!!!

I am a MESS!

2009-07-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

the title says it all.........
till i figure out a way to straighten everything out,
low-key is my way of life.

Johore-ing myself

2009-07-22T08:12:00.001-07:00

two weeks of classes had passed..
i'm getting very used to the house now
jb seems much more subtle than how i first saw it..
still familiarizing with the johoreans' road ethics (apparently they love to tail-gate you real close..before u'll realize that they are actually 'the imported ones' - hence the cockiness)
must be weird for them to see a K among all the Js with an obviously stunning young female driver maneuvering her way through the town..ahaks

as for the life in IPGMK(TI) --- da brp byk kali tukar da nama ni. kt dlm sama je x berubah2....
i drag myself to live yet another minute in it..
its like living in a warfare zone
and TESL is the minor ethnic up for cleansing...
we have to watch our backs all the time
just in case there is a glimpse of that monstrous dictator whom has taken a vow to make our lives here unbearable.

i do not know how the next 5months is gonna change me..
but i surely will never lose myself
with that dictator around marking my moves,
i'll probably add a pinch of evil in my resume............

multitaskers

2009-07-14T19:31:00.000-07:00

just found out a friend of mine has been making money out of her online boutique..
feel free to browse for nice accessories at
www.chic-sh awl.blogspot.com

p.s. its nice to see young girls taking charge of their own lives..

Yes, I am going to be a teacher!!

2009-07-08T23:22:00.000-07:00

Imagine you are being punked..............
You arrive at your supposedly 'very comfortable RM400 a semester' hostel with all smiles.
You walk in carrying your big 'bantal busuk' thinking that you are going to end your six-year course with much pleasure.
Yes, isn't final year supposed to be the year to remember?
Then you realize something is not right..
Why are you walking into a rundown, dusty, three-bedroom space (no, I wouldn't call it a house) and not into the rooms that you have pictured earlier in your mind while driving for about 3hours?

WTH??
This is the moment I wish Ashton will just come out from his hiding..

But as fate bestowed you a series of misfortune (it all began when you decided that teaching English will be your cherished profesion), you soon discover that for the next six months of your life, you will be living in a cramped flat with another 16 people whom you might and might not like.
And guess what?
You won't be provided with any locker/closet/cupboard whatsoever...
All you have is your bed and bed only.

my only personal space for another 6mths..

there goes my tortured creativity output

who needs a table when you can slouch over assignments, rite?

At this time, even Ashton will not be able to cheer you up then when he finally decided to come out and surprises you..

F***!!!

......Suddenly I feel 'pink' is not right to justify the wrath within me now......

jeng jeng jeng

2009-07-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

ahah....
after hibernating for almost the entire holiday
and successfully annihilated my social life......
i am back (at least for now)
bear the changes in this blog please..(especially the flying butterfly)
i'm in a good mood...
currently is out of kedah and heading to johore
2days transit in KL which means 2days to spend with my other half
the kilometres are stretching more and more... so better make the best of the time (wink!)
back to the blog..
its nice being childish again once in a while
having butterfly flying around seems fun
in times where the word 'babi' is the current hype...
i'm happy happy happy
- result was good
- transformers 2 was superb
- my car is fixed
- Rina is now eating non-stop
- bank account has tripled (yg ni bahaya sket ni)
- my other half is by my side

just DON'T mention the word 'maktab' or 'ipti' or 'baharum' or 'senaman pagi'
all hell will break loose!!

desperately seeking some time..and money of course

2009-06-07T03:38:00.000-07:00

gosh..
i really got no time to blog anymore
considering that i have to take that dreadful journey to the cc
currently blogging from my mom's office
everyday i ferry her back and forth to her office but i was too shy to use this big pc (biasala budak ayu)
there are so many hot young guys here mestila kena control kann....
well, nothing is new
Rina is still hooked up with a tube - which means she still drinks only milk
it has been 3 weeks and she has grown so restless... kesian dia woo
well, next week we are going back to the Penang hospital and hopefully she can start eating properly again (she has prepared a list of food she'd want to have once the tube is off)
but till that moment comes, i will have to fix her up with milk every 3 hours and occasionally she'll have a glass of ribena.....
now that's how life is.
that's her part
what about ours?

ps: this blog really really need some pictures now... 'the other half' said its boring

just when i thought my holiday is boringg

2009-05-27T02:16:00.000-07:00

i can't contain myself anymore today
while i stirred a glass of milk this evening i realized how long has it been since my last cyber connection....
so here i am
doing something i dislike the most - sitting in a chair in between adolescent boys who curse and fidget around while playing something that i assume would be DOTA (pandai jee..ntah2 game porno ape jek)
yep!! apparently my steamyx has been disconnected at home
there goes my treasured priviledge of having to surf in my pajamas while munching on some murukku
all thanks to my 15-year-old brother who has just discovered the world of 'love'
due to his short-circuited ability to think accordingly, our land line bill reached a certain level which almost turned my father into a particular huge green monster
so no more phone calls to him
and no more internet to the rest of us

but even if the tale above didn't happen.. i wouldn't be able to surf much anyway
in between the previous entry and these two horrible smelly school boys sandwiching me
my holiday has been nothing but eventful....
and i actually lost some weight.. (note the word 'some' might mean slightly insignificant and probable imaginary amount)

my sister Rina underwent a reconstructive plastic surgery in Penang about three weeks ago.. (i'll blog about it in my next entry)
so the whole family was pushed out of our regular routine and have to accommodate the change.
my mom went to stay with Rina at the hospital for about a week..
my dad had to work of course so he went back to ipoh after the surgery
and as usual, i have to man the household and take care of my other two siblings and also my grandma at home
yep.. i am totally domesticated now
my weapons are the mop and broom...
kid me not but i can brush a house till it sparkle
hahaha.. and those labour has driven me to think that i am now slightly lighter
though i enjoy multiple-serving meals after every chore....

now that Rina has come home.. there are more things to be monitored
because of the surgery, her mouth is off-limit to any solid food that can damage the suture in her gums so she has to feed through a tube inserted in in her nose that goes straight into her stomach
i really really feel sorry for her because i know how bad she wants to eat and actually taste food
my mom has ordered everyone in the house to not eat anything in front of our kak Rina
and we are postponing all the desires to eat food that she loves like pizza, kfc, and even waffles..
we don't mind a bit
as long as Rina doesn't feel sad and tempted
she is going to recuperate successfully and all of us are there for her..

oops i forgot that you have a time limit here..
till i'm not sure when...
hope that my dad will finally come to his senses
or my brother will finally realize that the phone calls involve cash flows..
i'm just at home being a daughter, a grandchild, and a sister
and oh, i didn't mention that i crashed my mother's car, did i??

next time, shall we?

reality or make-believe?

2009-05-02T09:30:00.000-07:00

alahaii pengetua...eh oops..principal tiara ui....
we understand that astro would like to squeeze in as much money that they can
so please spare us from all the drama shit you just put on in front of everyone
i mean, cmon la...
we all know what akademi fantasia is..
all that surprise drama is one of its fundamentals
kejap sorg keluar, kejap dua org keluar, aiseh..there is no justice to audience's wasted vote money la.
if there is gonna be a return of an axed contestant, hey i don't even take that as a surprise anymore.. i mean, look at mawi.
wasn't he an afmasuk some time ago?
my point is, you do not have to make up some sort of supposedly-natural-looking 'performance' where you need to ternganga and looked all shocked and messed up then walked up the stage and suddenly nak guna the authority as a principal to launch the somehow-unfair afmasuk
adoyaii..why didn't you use the authority when aril-the-great (duh) was ousted?
surely everyone know who is the lucky 'guy' that will be voted back into the show....
but play it fair and square la
once you are kicked off, please remain that way
mana ade skolah expel students then take them back
pandaiinye all the people at astro..
i understand that's the way it goes but please do not simply make a fool out of the audience with a totally unconvincing drama like that...
come to think of it, ironically, isn't she is like one of the greatest actress on our land?
well, apparently that's old news

i just think honest competition brings out the pure talent
OIAM is one
glad that tomok won - he totally deserved it

currently anxious to find out if danny gokey will make it

and btw, hafiz too

conclusion: ok i am into reality shows... but is it really 'reality'?

That rare moments in life

2009-04-28T10:39:00.000-07:00

I was called 'tak berhati perut' by someone when i failed to cry while watching Talentime...
I mean it was not my fault that I found the story to be so 'funny' and worth laughing at..
And when others wetted their pillows (mind you) at night reading P.S. I Love You, I spent hours flipping the pages to find the parts where I can actually feel something...

But today, something inside me turned upside down.
Its a feeling that made me froze for a while and my mind just stopped spinning (literally)
The same feeling I got after I watched Leonardo DiCaprio in Blood Diamond,
The same feeling I felt as I watched Amerul Affendi screamed for his beloved coconut tree during Teater Kompilasi Vol.1
The same feeling I got after learning about the C for Content-Based Instruction (nasib baik da tukar)

And its all due to Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper.........
It is a real powerful novel that really hooked on me
I am no critic so I better not write a review here

I always see myself as a cynic, a romantic, and a realist
And Ms. Picoult has came up with a story so real I almost went out of my head after reading it
I guess I have to thank Mel for telling me I should buy the novel (since I have been craving for it for ages)
Owhh I'm just gonna go and read it again..
Good nite now...

2009-04-28T06:07:00.000-07:00

one time, not too long ago, i heard my mom telling a friend of her how she wished her daughter (that would be me) had been a little bit more into studying, then she would have had a doctor-to-be as a daughter instead of a teacher-to-be (which is who i am now)

from that moment on, i realized that i never was, never am and never will be good enough for my mother..

perhaps that's the reason why i never felt how my study now is important to her..
the only times i really feel she care are when the results are in.. high scores are all that matter. the nightmares i went through to get those results never got into front-page news
she doesn't even care to know when the exams start and end

call me exaggerating, call me immature

i saying all these now at the age of 23 based on what has happened for the past 22 years
so pardon me for blabbering like a school girl because i never had a chance to so when i was a real school girl
once i turned 13, i started learning all about independent and survival up until now

i blame the society and myself
the stigmas in our society (or perhaps the society my family is in) are just too vicious
you'll get respected if your children get to be doctors and lawyers
if they are just teachers, then you are a failure as parents
sadly my mother bites into that
and the rest is history

that's why i can't wait for the next phase of my life
when i can be with the one who really know me - what i want in life and who i want to be
because if people say nobody knows you best than your own family
that ain't the case with mine

Siapa kata belajar bahasa ni cikaii??

2009-03-10T19:48:00.000-07:00

kali ini entri dalam bahasa Melayu..
salah silap harap diampun
bukannya 'sounds stupid if i speak in Malay' tp lebih kepada kurangnya pendedahan kpd penggunaan yang sebetul2nya
cakap pasar boleh je.......

saya betul2 kurang ngerti la (indon la skitt, kt pasar kn byk indon)
kejap iya2 benerr nk mengimplikasikan matematik dan sains dlm English
tiap2 tahun pas exam besarr berlambak-lambak analisa dan kajian dilakukan
semuanya utk mengesahkan math n science in English is not a mistake....
kesiann tgk budak2 pulun tunggang langgang tonggeng menonggeng nk tukar lidah setiap kali tukar klas
mak bapak abis puluhann ribu RM utk tuisyen nk memastikan anak2 mereka tidak ketinggalan di belakang
tuisyen menguasai hampir 80% masa lapang budak2...
kamus di kedai buku habiss licinn dibeli oleh mereka.....dan juga guru2 mereka.
fon guru2 English x putus2 berdering hingga ke malam hari dihubungi oleh guru2 lain meminta rujukan untuk menyiapkan rancangan pembelajaran mereka.

semua ni berterusan utk 6 tahun berikutnye.
adikku yg bersekolah rendah kini sudah tidak lagi kenal tambah tolak darab bahagi
semuanya subtractions, multiplying, dividing... pastu kedengaran plak perkataan saintifik yang tidak pernah saya dengari...
terasa bangga gak le tgk muka adikku itu.

tup2.....

mari memperkasakan Bahasa Melayu kawan2.....
adakah dgn menggunakan English utk belajar sains dan matematik bermaksud bahasa melayu tidak diperkasakan?
kan ade kelas BM, Geografi, Pend.Islam, Kemahiran Hidup, Kajian Tempatan, Sejarah, ape kebenda Sivik tu.., ape lagi?...semua tu kan dlm Bahasa Melayu
budak2 keluar kelas tetap berbahasa Melayu. bertepuk tampar aci lut sep2 tangan bermain tetap dgn gurindam melayu.
fyi, kami mmg lebih suka berdendang nenek o nenek rumak nenek nak roboh daripada one two buckle my shoe..... xde feel orang kata

percayalah wahai pkcik2 mkcik2 di atas sana.....
pembelajaran itu dalam apa bentuk bahasa sekalipun, smua tetap sedar apa yang dahulu apa yg tidak

anda risau dgn telatah remaja skrg yang kelihatan amat maju jaya dan berketrampilan kurang Melayunya??

usaikan kerisauan itu sbb percayalah walaupun dgn skirt pendek sunglasses besarr rokok di jari, bahasanya tetap Melayu..klu dia cakap bahasa lain punn berbunyi kemelayuan....
Hidupp Bahasa Kita!!!!!

jangan la cepat melatah....
yang menjadi taruhan ialah masa depan budak2 kita. do not simply toy around with such thing.
tolong jangan buat keputusan dgn pemikiran berdasarkan poket masing2
kalau punn keputusan menggunakan English 6 tahun lalu merupakan satu mistake,
alang2 menyeluk pekasam, pandai2la sambung sendiri.... (Hidupp lagi!!)

senang kata, x payah complicatedkan perkara yang delicate sebegini...

ape yg pasti masa depan students di tangan pkcik2 dan mkcik2 di atas sana
org2 atas di tanah lain ada yg bunuh diri bile xdapat menjalankan tanggungjawab sebaik2nya..
plg cikai pun mereka letak jawatann..
senario begitu memang confirm la x wujud di tanah kita ni.
bukan nk suruh bunuh diri
AMANAH itu perkataannya................................................

Venting

2009-02-15T09:07:00.000-08:00

i desperately want to update this blog but apparently i got nothing to say..
now that would be an understatement..
cos lots and lots are happening in my life.
assignments are horrendously damaging my brain cells by the minutes.
food are mounting in my belly
and oh i just had my 23nd birthday..

now what birthday actually means to me?
apparently nothing.
just a sign from Allah that I am a year older which means
a) no more fooling around
b) start saving up money kalau betul nk kawin.. (my mom's voice)
c) be more matured now..responsibilities are piling up.

well its just another year to spend and make it as worthwhile as possible.
i will avoid any major drama in my life now
ha ha ha ha ha ha... TESL students without life drama?
it would be like Saipol without the everyone-is-watching-me-so-i-better-act-cool...
oh damn it!!
i just invited another drama there....
naughty me!

but really
life is life
you can't help but to participate in it
if it needs you to personally loathe someone who makes up stories about you
then loathe him you should..
i mean why not?..

so let's toast for being 23
apart from childish boys that we see everyday
the rumours they spread in between their porn feed
life is wayyy beyond them...

You're Tagged!: The Chronicles of Superman and his Crotch

2009-02-07T09:18:00.000-08:00

why oh why amanda...do u have to tag me!!!
i don't even know such thing exist...
so i'm just gonna do what i'm supposed to do
which are:-

Your instructions:
Once you've been tagged, you have to write a post with sixteen random things, habits or goals about you.
At the end, select a few people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them.
Don't forget to leave a comment (''You're tagged!'') and to read your blog.
You can't tag the person who tagged you.
Since you can't tag me, let me know when you've posted your blog, so I can see your weirdness.

1. i have a bantal busuk which i talk to every night..
2. when i'm nervous, i cough really bad. one time i puked before a debate final...i spent half of my speech then coughing in the opponent's faces. fyi, i won best speaker maaa (that time only la).....
3. i can't resist a cute pair of wedges. especially those with cute little details like ribbons, flowers, buttons, beads, glitters... told u i can go on and on...
4. sometimes i believe that i am monica geller's reincarnation in real life.. mess freak!
5. every week i go to class and watch out for a particular superman who obviously is insecure about his on-the-outside underwear so he stirs gossips bout others to distract people from staring at his crotch.
6. i was slapped by a fellow chinese classmate when i was in standard 2. the reason: i refuse to carry her bag. bitchiness does start from infancy for some.....
7. my bf and i, when we fight, we have yelling contest. whose voice cracks first loses... the prize - nando's peri-peri whole chicken sponsored by the loser.
8. i skipped my first class on my first day in kindergarten. the swing outside the class was so enticing that my dad practically had to drag me back home...
9. during my swimming classes days.. i developed a liking in staring at boys' butts. call me pervert.
10. i secretly believe that i am two size smaller than i really am. all mirrors are liars!
11. my bf do not know this but i love him very very much!
12. blood is my kryptonite. yesterday my chin bled a dot of blood and i felt the sky was falling..
13. nerd boys are hot!!
14. i curse myself after every meal.. no i do not have eating disorder. denial is one symptom of eating disorder but i do not have eating disorder. uh oh
15. i have difficulties listing down things like this.....
16. i find it hard to admit the statement above

so who's next?
1.nani
2.kei
3.jimi
4.bahira
5.if the insecure superman ever cross this page
6.god i really know no one....

Super Mario..what a metaphor

2009-02-04T19:01:00.000-08:00

when you meet with someone who value things differently from you
then you'll know how interesting your life will be
by saying interesting i do not mean wonderful
just that
you will feel kind of worthy
having to trotted the world for years and finding no challenge to excite you
finally there is something to give you a shake
that is why
go out and mingle
sitting around in your comfort box will bring you more harm which my thesaurus will say 'socially retarded'
out there waiting are people with millions of new information for you
they might not necessarily be good but worth knowing
at least you discover them before you die
for those who feel your life suck real bad
trust me, everyone feels the same way
even the most ok person you know has contemplated suicide at some points in his life
just look past everyting that's gloomy
there's something good waiting at the oher end of the rainbow
which probably won't be anything much
but time will provide you with ample anticipations
sit back, enjoy the ride and pick up what's good that come in your way
like when you play super mario
there will be times you'll bump into a hideous obstacle that makes you smaller than u really are
rant about it if you want
but go on further down your journey
cause in the end
no matter how many fireballs you have to duck
no matter how many stars you fail to catch
no matter how tired you are trying to knock the tortoises out
your castle is waiting at the end of the line
just make sure you still have enough breath to arrive and raise your flag

gosh i miss playing mario
it was such a turn on when i was younger
practically 5 years old

the border,the food, the heat

2009-01-27T07:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I crossed the line that divided Msia and Thailand.
Yup, I can finally say that I've been abroad..(kuikui)
It was just for a day but absolutely worthwhile.
Our destination was an off-shore small fishing village in Satun.
That was where my uncle was born.... so it was kinda like a visit to meet unknown relatives.
Lacking in passport-wise, I applied for my border pass a day earlier.
Which made me feel very lucky to be be living in a borderlined state.
Thailand was...
Hot..very hot.
I'd suggest anyone going there to equipped themselves with bottles of drinking water
Because the heat will parched you dry.
Thai drivers are wonderfully fast.
They speed like mad men but they did not cause trouble to other drivers.
It was like they have some sort of mutual understanding of each other's drivings.
Pick-up trucks outnumber other types of cars and they carry people, instead of things at the back.
We went past several small town and reached Hat Yai where non-Thai can easily got lost in translations.
English signboards gradually disappeared and we found ourselves driving through a metropolis without headwind....
But Thais are 1) friendly 2) love smiling 3) hopelessly incompetent in English
So we managed to get back to our track with a lot of exaggerated hand movements and ridiculous gestures which particularly ended with 'kap kunn ka'....
i won't talk bout the food here..that will need another hour...
Thais are born great cooks.....that sums it all

Try Me!!

2009-01-14T19:30:00.000-08:00

If you declare war to gain territory, I'm fine with that
If you declare a bloodbath in the name of religion, I'm in no place to stop you
BUT
When you start to hurt women
When you start to decapitate children
You are the lowest, most disgusting creature ever walked this earth!
Is victory really that sweet when you earn it on thousands of innocent corpses?
Is that small piece of land really mean something when the soil has been soaked in helpless blood?
Guess you have liven up to everything that's been written about you
Its not about land anymore
Its not about religion
Regardless of ethnicity,
You are my enemy with every children's souls lost in the battle

do not arrest me for this.....

2009-01-13T22:23:00.000-08:00

Every semester you are bound to have one disastrous class
The one you that give you shivers down to your spine just thinking about it
Let alone going to class........
Well, this semester's award of d most ergh class ever is.......G's
and this is just the third week.
No offense
I am gonna be a teacher someday
And I am taking every note to avoid from getting any death threats from my future students
Teachers are poor souls
50 students
Need satisfy em all
Failing to do that means hell
Not only from them..their parents as well
Tough life
And yet people keep talking bout how easy being a teacher is
Try being one then....
I dare you

damn you...

2009-01-09T22:19:00.000-08:00

i dun get it
they condemn hitler for the holocaust
the word nazi is equivalent to devil
apartheid in africa was a huge deal
this
that
shit
crap

but

its ok for israel
they say its for the better
and the rest of us shout in puny, distinctive silence

this voice
mine
is probably miniscule
may not change anything
physical

but just to let you know
damn you
in all form of damnation
you'll know someday
justice in hell will be served
so sweet and
so cold

forgiveness

2009-01-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

i once read somewhere that its better for us to forgive
but do not forget
no matter how badly you was hurt by other people
life would be much more settling if you forgive em

since its a new year,
i want to start with a clean slate
hope that any sin from my part can be forgiven

what's new for new year??

2008-12-31T20:21:00.000-08:00

another year...
gonna be 23.
geez that sounds really old
nothing different i guess
just gonna work hard to improve my grades
wish i can get married but that surpasses possibility
so will keep that one for next year
or the year after
hopefully not the year after that
duh
typical girl
boring!

God-forsaken

2008-12-22T06:24:00.000-08:00

when i was bed-ridden and unable to walk sometime in this year
i realized how important walking is..
after the accident, my right leg swelled to double its original size
and the swelling caused my skin to stretched and my toes couldn't touch the floor when i stepped down
the pain x payah cakap la
when you have lied down for a while and you wanted to get up,
blood circulated downward through the severed arteries
it would make you scream for your mom in an uncivilised manner

i was on crutches for a month and i fell 4times
twice on my way to the bathroom
once when i was getting out off the car
and once at a restaurant i went after getting my dressing changed
slippery
imbalance
uneven ground
everything was an obstacle to even move for an inch

when i fell
i felt a sudden air of frustration
i was frustrated that i couldn't even go to the bathroom without help
i felt useless
totally useless
for the fact that i couldn't walk
an ability that i did not even think about before

tears weren't enough to get rid of that overwhelming feeling

for a person who love to run and jump around
there were times i closed my eyes and wished it all to be just dreams

when you couldn't do things that were natural to you..
you'd feel the emptiness
you'd feel the fear
fear of not have lived to the fullest before
you'd also feel the insecurities

it was time i knew
i have to treasure everything
even the tiniest littlest thing in my life
if i don't start now
God knows when i will lose another precious possessions of mine

judge or be judged

2008-12-22T05:48:00.000-08:00

one thing about our society..
malaysians
malays

they tend to JUDGE each other

when their daughter is always on the phone 24/7,
she must be less-focused on her study

when their friend's son got into a bike accident,
he must be one of those rempit guys

when they see boys on the street wearing some sort of indecent outfit,
he must be those who have strayed away from the right direction

when they see the next door neighbour's girl coming home late at night,
she must be out and up to no good

they are so easy to pass judgement
but they are quick to temper when the judgement is on them
from my pov
we are not good in handling criticism..
even the wise people up there blabbering this and that on the paper

so what's it gonna be?
you can stay put when you are not being judged
but when you are
you'll wish for salvation
like i am doing now

2008-12-19T23:11:00.000-08:00

if i can describe the world i'm living in...
i'd use the word 'pretentious'
yup
that's the most suitable word

especially to my friends in UPM......

and apparently i am a pretender too
to survive in this god-forsaken world

everyone have to be one

LIFE

2008-12-16T07:20:00.000-08:00

one blink.
i am on a different ground
there's a line
suddenly visible
red hands
torched face
i realized the changing of pace

one blink.
the ground cracks
a welcome is shut
pre-written speech
smiles end with a twitch
really shouldn't have trusted that bitch

Girls n Guys

2008-12-14T23:14:00.000-08:00

I just found this really cheeky video on youtube

As funny as it looks, it is so so true..
Girls definitely go thru a lot more to face this world every single day
That's why we take forever to get ready for any outing
We can't help it
And guys shouldn't mind it
We want to look good and the reason partially is for you
Plus looking good brings out the confidence and you surely like confident girls (again its for you)

I'm sure guys out there have things to say to oppose this
I am probably not aware of what you guys need to go through for girls
But I know there must be.....

I, me, my, mine

2008-12-01T07:07:00.000-08:00

A lot of people have affected my life and made me who I am

Today I am reminded of one

The one person I really really truly look up to
Because she did not judge me when others did
She appeared in my life during my worst moment and lighten it up
She tried to know me even though she could have just perceive like others
She believed in me when I thought no one will
We got along well but sadly only for a short time
But she made me look back to my high school life and smile
And that's the best gift anyone could've given me

Cikgu Wan Norhalina Wan Najib
You are the definition of a teacher
Now that I am about to become one
You definitely be the one in my reference list
hehe...
My post today is extra melodramatic la
Its because I miss my school days
Precious moments where I learned, strived, bent
And be the person I am now
And life still have too much to offer ahead.....

So watch this space

2008 and me

2008-11-27T04:07:00.000-08:00

warning: may contain gory, stomach-clunching pics ahead....

One month before 2009
I already have hopes for next year
To be more matured in any way
and
To be a better servant to Him
and
To have a peaceful, less-stressed life
and perhaps
To avoid from any road accidents whatsoever

I am still so terrified by the scars on my right leg..
And the oh-somebody-please-hold-me pain that came before the scars
Its what people always say
We will never know the feeling till the day we face it ourselves
I now cannot take a look at a bike without the memory flashing through my eyes

Ah,
Another resolution for 2009
No bike/any two-wheeled engine-based transportation in any way possible.
Leave them to the pros

it was erghh...but it's much better looking now

dugaan Allah S.W.T

Darn
It has been 3months and I know it is over but somewhere deep in my heart
I hope that the snatcher knows the disgust that I harbour from him is still on
You gave me scars dude..
And you made me went through hell trying to heal and walk again
Not mentioning the ups and downs the processes of replacing everything you took
I'm just a student laa..
Go and snatch some mak datin's bag laa..worth your time.
But then again, being a snatcher, you must not be so bright to think of that..
Come to think of it
I feel sorry for you

Its all fated By Allah..
Benda dah jadi..
I know its wrong to still be this angry
Not that I can't walk again.
So I forgive you lah Mr Snatcher..
But I'm not sure if your other victims will do the same.........
So you know what to do la.
You surely possess certain level of intelligence to think of that one
Not to offend anyone
I'm just being me

Yoga and what not......

2008-11-26T20:00:00.000-08:00

Kecoh sampai ke Indonesia pasal yoga banning for Muslims issue ni rupanya.. Seems like the Indons won't be in our corner in banning the spiritual-based fitness regime called yoga for Muslims. And the hype is still on in our Malaysia. Perak and Selangor are sceptical with the ban, the Hindu community has expressed their worry (which I think is irrelevant), research and study are still ongoing even though the ban is voiced, citizens continue to express what they think and believe -

some are worried that they might have been misled all this time,
some are reluctant to give up the exercise that has helped them find peace,
some are giving out information on what they know about the exercise,
some are disgusted by the hastiness of the ban and 'narrow-minded/one-sided/discriminating' it is

Malaysians......

Entahla, I am not a practitioner so I'll just be among some who is concerned about what's going on with Malaysia.. (cewah)

Yoga originated from Hinduism, that is for sure. Basically it involves poses, meditation, breathing methods, all those stuff you see the hollywood celebrities are doing. It is supposed to be therapeutic and enlightening. Its goal is to achieve pure serenity, stress-free, positive life. I think its like reaching a higher stage of living where you feel total comfort and spiritually satisfied. While browsing thru the Net, I found many tongue-twisting Sanskrit terms like Chaturangas, Purvottanasana, Pranayama, etc. I do not know what they mean but surely they are about fitness and health.

Back to the issue, I personally think that we (Malaysians, regardless of race and religions) have to learn how to approach an issue with poise and wisdom. Itu je masalahnya. In a country like ours where we scream out integration but act out the opposite, people have to know how to say something about something.

Those who discovered bout something in Yoga which is against the Islamic beliefs should explain explicitly which what and how before stamping a ban. Yes it is extremely important when in comes to religion but amar makruf nahi mungkar itu perlu ada strategi..(cewah lagi)

Plus, Muslim yoga practitioner should have known if what they are practising is diverting away from Islam. I believe when we do something we have to really know and learn about it. Takkan buta-buta je nak buat. They must have been taught the basics and fundamentals in yoga. So, terpulang kepada individu sama ada pandai menilai, memilih dan menerima. Come on la, rakyat Malaysia kan pandai- pandai...

Non-Muslims should not be affected by the ban whatsoever. The banning is not a discrimination/racist kinda act (read the word Muslims). Because I believe there are also things that Buddhists and Hindus are prohibited to do when it comes to religions. Its just that this issue has been over-publicized.

Here's a thought to all Muslims, we have our own method to achieve optimum serenity and peace - solat/salat. It is a form of exercise and spiritually therapeutic. Five times a day means a lot of exercising and connecting with our spiritual within. So in my humble opinion, we have our own 'yoga'....

2008-10-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

I told you I suck at blogging...can't bring myself to find internet - dat's what happen if you are a upm student. Even when i happen to find a connection, time is my most endearing enemy. Plus the blues of 'i dun know what to write' haunts me whenever i feel the need to blog. its been so long since i last wrote a post and the semester is almost over. I am currently in the midst of final exams which i dare not say a word about - God knows how hard it is. It has only been two papers and there are pimples all over my forehead. I got the feeling that i might screw this sem. Cos it's just too hard for me. Not for the others, but me. People might look at me and say 'btw, isn't TESL like the easiest program around?' Believe me people do come over and say those words to me. My dad included of course.

And to answer such question, my friend Farid said and i quote "Belajar bukan memang susah. Belajar itu sendiri bermakna susah. Kita belajar perkara yang kita belum tahu. Pengetahuan yang belum ada dalam sistem data kita. Sudah semestinya susah."

There is no learning that is easy. Instead, there are ways to make learning easy. Guess that i haven't found my ways. But not that I do not try to.

Living in my kind of society, academic is everything. The people that i live with go through their daily life based on the hope to reach excellence (who doesn't)... But there is certainly more to life than how many As u score. At least that is the mindset i live with. Its all depending on the system. If our system (education-wise) stresses less on examination and more upon individual growth, i believe many more rare talents can be found everyday. Who am i to discuss something like this but growing older by the minute and a definite member in this education arena, it is something to be ponder upon. Education is future, after all.

nightly confrontation

2008-06-24T00:16:00.000-07:00

11.49pm...

Adult: Suatu masa dulu, ada sorg budak perempuan nama Little Red Riding Hood. Mak dia suruh dia jalan kaki lalu hutan nak pegi umah nenek dia sebab nenek dia sakit...

Child 1: Nape dia jalan, kakti?
Dia tak ade keta ke?
Dia budak miskin ke?
Dia ada psp tak?

Adult: Tak ade. Dia hidup zaman dulu2.. time tu keta tak ade. Moto pun tak ade.

Child 1: Bas pun tak ade?

Adult: Tak ade. Semua org jalan kaki je nak pegi mana pun.
Anyway, pastu Little Red Riding Hood pun jalan la lalu kat hutan. Before tu mak dia
pesan tau jangan stop mana2, jalan je terus sampai umah nenek dia. Sebab hutan tu
bahaya. Ada byk binatang jahat.

Child 1: Kat dalam hutan tu ade byk indon ke?

Adult: Indon? taklah. Hutan tu byk wolf. Wolf ni suka makan orang. Kalau dia nampak Little Red Riding Hood nanti dia tangkap makan.

Child 1: Wolf tu besar ke?
Mcm mane dia makan orang?

Adult: Err...Ha'ah kut. Wolf tu besar..... Dia makan budak2 skali ngap je. Xngantuk lagi ke ni?

Child 1: Blum. Kakti, Riding Hood tu tak bawak pistol ke?
Kalau wolf tu datang bole tembak je mati.

Adult: Ish..mana bole budak kecik bawak pistol. Little Red Riding Hood tu tak reti guna pistol.
Lepas tu kan, Little Red Riding Hood ni lupa ape mak dia pesan kat dia. Dia berenti byk
kali nak petik bunga. Time dia berenti byk kali ni, wolf nampak dia.

Child 1: Riding Hood tu tak nampak ke wolf tu?
Kakti cakap wolf tu besar sangat sangat.

Adult: Tak nampak la kut..sebab pastu wolf tu potong Little Red Riding Hood so dia sampai
dlu kat umah nenek dia.

Child 1: Red Riding Hood tu tak call dlu ke nenek dia ckp nk dtg?
Nanti nenek dia kena makan dgn wolf tu plak.....

Adult: Isk..cite ni mcm x best je kan...Kakti da ngantuk la. Good nite Syakir....ZZZzzzzZzZzz...

i am kinda disturbed by the fact that our children now can no longer process fairy tales. They look for logic and reasons in everything - which is not a bad thing but c'mon..we are forcing them to shed their innocence. no wonderla when they go to school they act like adults and cannot be restrained by rules and regulations. Yes, fairy tales are tales/fiction. But they carry a heavy load of moral values in a beautiful and imaginative ways.

Fairy tales led me to fall in love with language and rhythm. They definitely need a comeback. Kindergarten nowadays, instead of doing intense mathematic and writing exercise, please provide some soothing period for story time. i do want our children to be intelligent, but i also want them to have beautiful souls filled with compassion and empathy

most wanted list topspot: DETERMINATION

2008-06-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure of the reasons but starting a blog has been a real drag for me. Each blog I wrote went under construction after few postings and haven't been able to recover. There are so many things in my otak but still I find it hard to pour them out into words. And to think that I used to be great in pouring my isi otak in high school essays, its baffling. Funny how abilities and talents can fade if we do not brush em up from time to time. Just like me and debating. 10 years ago, debating is my territory. I came and I conquered. And on centerstage, my three opposition members always appeared as the three blind mice that were crossing my path. That was the idea told by Ms Rozie, my first fav eng teacher (miss you!). POIs were nothing, really.
I'm not ashamed of exaggerating because those were the my gloriest moments.

But after some time - which included losing, losing again, adolescent, poor time management, BFF, en.Zul the warden, en.Kamil the father, t.Mard being t.Mard, love crushes, obesity (which stays permanent) - all the dramas that can possibly happen in a girl's life, I now stand with fear if i were to be asked to debate again.

And now my writing wiring is short-circuited. There's malas somewhere, and a little usaha here and there, and an absolute conscious about what people are gonna think bout what i write.But blogging seems therapeutic. And by acknowledging how chaotic my life is currently, i really need all the therapy i can get. I mean, not that many will actually read them though.

So here goes another try (fingers crossed)..