what's new for new year??

another year...
gonna be 23.
geez that sounds really old
nothing different i guess
just gonna work hard to improve my grades
wish i can get married but that surpasses possibility
so will keep that one for next year
or the year after
hopefully not the year after that
duh
typical girl
boring!

God-forsaken

when i was bed-ridden and unable to walk sometime in this year
i realized how important walking is..
after the accident, my right leg swelled to double its original size
and the swelling caused my skin to stretched and my toes couldn't touch the floor when i stepped down
the pain x payah cakap la
when you have lied down for a while and you wanted to get up,
blood circulated downward through the severed arteries
it would make you scream for your mom in an uncivilised manner

i was on crutches for a month and i fell 4times
twice on my way to the bathroom
once when i was getting out off the car
and once at a restaurant i went after getting my dressing changed
slippery
imbalance
uneven ground
everything was an obstacle to even move for an inch

when i fell
i felt a sudden air of frustration
i was frustrated that i couldn't even go to the bathroom without help
i felt useless
totally useless
for the fact that i couldn't walk
an ability that i did not even think about before

tears weren't enough to get rid of that overwhelming feeling

for a person who love to run and jump around
there were times i closed my eyes and wished it all to be just dreams

when you couldn't do things that were natural to you..
you'd feel the emptiness
you'd feel the fear
fear of not have lived to the fullest before
you'd also feel the insecurities

it was time i knew
i have to treasure everything
even the tiniest littlest thing in my life
if i don't start now
God knows when i will lose another precious possessions of mine

judge or be judged

one thing about our society..
malaysians
malays

they tend to JUDGE each other

when their daughter is always on the phone 24/7,
she must be less-focused on her study

when their friend's son got into a bike accident,
he must be one of those rempit guys

when they see boys on the street wearing some sort of indecent outfit,
he must be those who have strayed away from the right direction

when they see the next door neighbour's girl coming home late at night,
she must be out and up to no good

they are so easy to pass judgement
but they are quick to temper when the judgement is on them
from my pov
we are not good in handling criticism..
even the wise people up there blabbering this and that on the paper

so what's it gonna be?
you can stay put when you are not being judged
but when you are
you'll wish for salvation
like i am doing now

if i can describe the world i'm living in...
i'd use the word 'pretentious'
yup
that's the most suitable word

especially to my friends in UPM......

and apparently i am a pretender too
to survive in this god-forsaken world

everyone have to be one

LIFE

one blink.
i am on a different ground
there's a line
suddenly visible
red hands
torched face
i realized the changing of pace

one blink.
the ground cracks
a welcome is shut
pre-written speech
smiles end with a twitch
really shouldn't have trusted that bitch

Girls n Guys

I just found this really cheeky video on youtube



As funny as it looks, it is so so true..
Girls definitely go thru a lot more to face this world every single day
That's why we take forever to get ready for any outing
We can't help it
And guys shouldn't mind it
We want to look good and the reason partially is for you
Plus looking good brings out the confidence and you surely like confident girls (again its for you)

I'm sure guys out there have things to say to oppose this
I am probably not aware of what you guys need to go through for girls
But I know there must be.....

I, me, my, mine

A lot of people have affected my life and made me who I am

Today I am reminded of one

The one person I really really truly look up to
Because she did not judge me when others did
She appeared in my life during my worst moment and lighten it up
She tried to know me even though she could have just perceive like others
She believed in me when I thought no one will
We got along well but sadly only for a short time
But she made me look back to my high school life and smile
And that's the best gift anyone could've given me

Cikgu Wan Norhalina Wan Najib
You are the definition of a teacher
Now that I am about to become one
You definitely be the one in my reference list
hehe...
My post today is extra melodramatic la
Its because I miss my school days
Precious moments where I learned, strived, bent
And be the person I am now
And life still have too much to offer ahead.....

So watch this space